The Plan.

Mar. 13th, 2011 12:20 pm
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
Oh my goodness. Life is getting ready to change.

I start work tomorrow. This is scary.
I have to be there for mom's recovery after surgery...
Then an actual two days later...

This is my life, bits of good counter-balanced by some bad.
The balance of shadow and light. Sounds like fate to me.

Bunch of us are getting together tomorrow evening at the 99 to celebrate.
Or mourn as the case may be.

Worried about mom. I hope she comes out ok. Talk about making the first day nervous.

Car has been acting up, sputtering and such.
Glad Steve is coming to dinner. I'll get him to look at it afterward :D (Hi steve, I know you read this)

So yeah..

Feb. 15th, 2011 04:25 pm
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Talked to steve, he said that nate might have thought he went over the line or something, and that's it. And since I gave him NO feedback...

Sigh, so yeah my fault overall, typical. I'll have to crawl under a rock.

Perhaps i shall get the guts to talk to him.. Perhaps I'll work hiding under a rock.

Talked to mom again, so they say she has six months. That's so bizarre. To know when your life will approximately end. I know that we have a lot of differences. But it's a painful wasting death.

Not sure that I would want to go like that, and I'm not really sure I can bear to watch her go like that. Goddess Bless... I guess that's the hardest part, knowing the pain and agony. Or the drugged out haze. Sure she'll be gone, and move on to her next life, but really....

I'm being selfish with that thought...

Not only does fate hate me, but it hates my family too.

At least I get to start a new job soon. I wonder how fate is going to screw me here as well.

No change

Feb. 7th, 2011 08:53 pm
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No change in her status. She seems so normal, almost cheerful.

She's very happy i'm starting the new job, and she seems to be overly encouraging me to close down the etsy store.

I can't do that. Ignoring the wasted money on supplies (the only argument she listens to), creating things is one of my greatest loves. I can't give up everything for her. But at the same time..

I feel an obligation...

That depresses me even more. I am reducing the number of available items on the store so I have time for this supposed "Real Job".

Date with Nate this thursday, have no idea why i said yes. Likely end in disaster.
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
Back home...

Eight months. That's what they are saying.

All the pain, heartache she has given me, and all the flack..

Oh yeah, I got the job. Not really sure I should be happy or not.
She was happy... I set a far out start date, March 15.

I want to get some peace between us before she goes...
Goddess, before she goes....

I can't believe i'm thinking like this. I'm too young for this.


Jan. 21st, 2011 12:27 pm
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
So, that interview failed completely. I think they don't hire you if you break down crying in the middle of stuff.

Driving up tomorrow to see mom.

I wish I knew why she didn't tell me. I wish the prognosis were better..
What could get worse..

I already got flamed for some of my jewelry..

I have an email from the tech firm, I'm scared to open it, i'm sure it's a rejection and I can't take that right now..


Jan. 20th, 2011 08:24 pm
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
she contacted me... she's been in the hospital.

she's got pancreatic cancer...

two months at best...

crashing down...

no idea what to say..
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
Okay, been a couple weeks since I have talked to my mother. Perhaps I should visit and see if she's not dead on the floor or something....

Hah. It has been kind of peaceful, I dunno, i started the job hunt because of her, and seem to have kept up on my own for me. I guess people change, perhaps. Perhaps it's just the success. Perhaps it's my positive energy work, perhaps the world will come crashing down upon me.

Probably the latter....
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
So today is commercial-mas, and I gave my mother her obligatory phone call.
Once again, she was surprisingly pleasant. A lot less stressed. We actually got along.

See, once again, the workings, do work!

I did send out some gifts to friends, as they tend to enjoy getting gifts (who doesn't)
Everyone seemed to like the things I gave them.

Also, A VERY SCARY SOLSTICE. Best. Album. Evar! Go get it now.


Dec. 17th, 2010 12:16 am
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
Yeah, I died tonight. Keith did give me fair warning, I swear, but I couldn't help but think Kalandra would take the shot. She did, and got smacked for like 140 points of damage. Dead-Dead. Kind of brought the game to a screeching halt.

I think he's going to start up some sort of quest to bring me back to life, not sure. At least I get to roleplay her pets while the rest of the guys carry my body around.

Keith was tossing about ideas for alternate games.. He has this dumb idea that there should be a game, where we each play ourselves, and are transported into a fantasy land. I laughed, that was TOTALLY done in "The Guardians of the Flame" - how non-original, I don't think I'd ever play in a game like that.

Let's see, what else happened. Sales are increasing! It's christmas time!
THe most, money-ful time..... of the year....... *sings*
I made some christmas themed stuff. Sells reasonably well. I think I put in a good 6 or so hours a day making jewelry at this point, it's a lot.. And an hour a week fooling with the web. I almost make minimum wage! Commercialism yay. Or something.

Speaking of which, SOLSTICE IS COMING.

Sent in two more job applications this week. I think, I shall call mother on christmas, and be pleasant and kind to her. Hopefully she will be happy.
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
Mom was unhappy about the job that I failed to get. Yay for more demoralizing insults.

Oh yes, and you WANT me to come home for thanksgiving. Way to entice a girl there mom.

I'm not sure what she is thinking, being insulting, telling me that EVERYTHING about me is wrong, and then say "come home!"

I don't know what's worse. That, or the realization that she is the only family I have.
earthygothchick: Found here: (Default)
They want to phone interview me tomorrow for the Secretary job.

I had forgotten about that job, perhaps the workings I had been doing for positive energy are paying off. And being a good person in general. Three Times Three, what I send out it comes back to me... I scrape by living this life, I must have a hella karmic debt.

Of course, the point is to satisfy the parental unit. She means well, I suppose.
If she weren't so damned controlling. I think i'll wait to send her an email about it tomorrow.

There's something appealing about a regular paycheck and not having to hope and pray that crafts will sell in order to make the rent.


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March 2011

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